Follow-through

Follow-through.  That's what I lack.  This problem has worsened throughout the years.  I offer the excuse of my very unstable health and multiple battles daily just to exist.  Though my health problems don't pave my road with ease, I recognize the natural consequences of not submitting my all to God. I get involved with something but never complete the tasks necessary for success.  I feel sort of like the "lost goose" though I truly know the way home.  Maybe I relate more to the poor steward and prodigal son more than I want to admit. Though I've used the skills God gave me to honor Him, I've not done what He has tugged at my heart to do.  
Picture a new gardener given a new shovel. He uses his new shovel to smash in new nails and to pop out old ones, he then partially buries the blade of the shovel to mount a birdhouse from the handle.  He is so proud of his accomplishments with his new shovel, yet he didn't use it for its best purpose. 
Human nature struggles with the unknown.  Sometimes we separate our spiritual walk from our rationale.  We want to keep our spirituality separate because it isn't something we can map out and see a point of success in the future.  Our spirituality is all about our relationship (or lack thereof) with our Creator.  We also struggle with control because of the unknown.  Often we choose what we consider the best option to use our God-given gifts.  Subconsciously we think we can control the outcome if we choose a safe choice that fits within our rationale.  We plan without God to succeed and promise to give Him the glory once we do.  This is not God's design.  He gives us lofty dreams that we suppress with our rationale. I've relied far too long on my rationale that can neither predict nor determine the future.
Humans are funny.  We want details laid out before we have the "faith" to follow God's invitation.  God says, "Follow me."  We respond with, "Show me the itinerary and map." God gives us talents, skills, passions. He invites us to follow Him in our journey fully discovering these gifts. He isn't going to show us everything ahead of time; however, He does promise that when we follow Him we will live the best journey imaginable.
God gave me a gift of communication.  He has made it evident to me in many situations: public speaking, interviews, interpersonal and professional relationships, and writing assignments in school and college, to name a few.  He blessed me with an education to hone skills associated with this gift.
In reality, I fear failure.  We don't want to fail God or think He has failed us.  I somehow twisted into my rationale that if I failed my plans, it wouldn't affect my relationship with God.  My fear of failure indicates a problem I don't want to have--a lack of faith. A fear of failure is a lack of trust, a lack of faith in the One who blesses us with our gifts and equips us to do whatever He designs and desires for us to do in this life. A lack of faith and fear of failure result in a lack of follow-through when you know deep inside that what you busy yourself with is not what your Creator has for you to do.  You waste precious time, miss major blessings,  and mound up negative consequences when you justify, rationalize, procrastinate, and attempt to ignore your Father's invitation.